Hey…c’mere a sec. I don’t have long. I promised I would focus on planning a wedding and cut back on a few things to make sure we’re prepared so I must be quick. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi you’re my only hope…wait that’s not it, I don’t need a rescue and this isn’t a droid…damn I may need to figure out where we got the mushrooms we had in the pasta sauce.
Let me explain my biggest frustration in this whole wedding thing. It’s you, yes you all out there. I can’t invite you all and that sucks but it is what it is. You see a year and a half (ish) ago the first thing we did was write out our ideal guest list and it was damn near 200 people. food and drink for 200…whoa. We let it slide and set off on the next task, venue. Took a while but we locked in a delightful place then returned to the guest list, oops the list was more than double our seating capacity. Well we had to cull the heard a bit and frankly it sucked. First we talked to the out of town guests, if they couldn’t commit we politely explained that we had a space issue and thanked them for their well wishes. Then we had to figure out the next major cut, kids were out unless they were relatives, that really sucked because we know a lot of cool kids and unfortunately they are just too large a group to include.
I never envied my Dad when he had to make roster cuts to his hockey team at the start of the season, the final cuts were brutal hard and this is as close to that as I ever want to come. Guess I am only doing this once. Our next cuts came down to who we knew as a couple. We debated a few that were closer to one than the other and made a few digressions for the special people. Oh man were we close to the right number, still too many. Sunnovabitch. Where the hell were we going to cut next?
We found looked at the entire list, where were the problems likely to arise, by problems I mean math. The equation is simple Guest x Guest + Alcohol – Filter = Likelihood of Conflict. That didn’t really do the trick, a few at best. So we hit the list in an order we could track. The invites went out with RSVPs in waves, as they came back we either filled in the confirmation slots or added more names to the next round of invites. That worked out better but there are still people we just couldn’t fit in.
The truth is we would love to have you all but if you’ve ever planned a wedding you know that often it’s just not feasible. I am sorry if you can’t make it and I am sorry if we couldn’t invite you. It’s not you, it’s us. Just don’t think we didn’t try or want you there, seating is limited is all. Shit! Gotta go, husbandly duties to attend to.