The world is an absolute mess. Uncertainty has spread across the globe and as a whole humanity is dived on the issues. Some deny anything is wrong, some don’t see the current pandemic as seriously as we are being told, others are just trying to follow the logical steps to prevent the spread be it staying home or taking precautions. I won’t go into a lot of my personal feelings on 2 of those groups, if you know me you can probably guess. I will however say that as a member of the later group this is like watching a suspenseful movie and trying to guess “who done it”, except we can’t just turn it off this time.
I’m at home, have been for a while. My wife, 4 kids, 4 cats and myself and we are all getting by better than I had thought. That isn’t to say everything is peaceful and mellow, we all have our trails and tribulations. The animals in particular are dying to get us out of their way, all the activity has them sleep deprived with only 15 hours a day of peaceful rest. The kids are learning to adjust to this new online learning model and some are doing better than others while I am sure their teachers are struggling just as much with trying to adjust the teaching style.
For me I am finding that the worst part is being stuck in my own head some days. I got most of my social butterfly energy out years ago and honestly don’t mind the limited contact right now, that might change as this continues but for now I’m okay with it. Inside my head however a lot of life choices get reexamined and very few of them see the positive so far. I would bet I am not alone on this right now, maybe not you dear reader but maybe so. Let’s not get muddled here, I can’t say I was screwed over at any point or there aren’t a lot of really great things and people in my life. just that certain things seem like I could have done something different to improve things. Maybe I gave up too soon on something (like this blog), maybe I didn’t give up on certain other things when I should have, two career paths literally don’t exist anymore. I stubbornly refused to get a formal post secondary education as I would be entering into a great deal of debt and had absolutely no idea what I could maintain an interest in long enough to get through, I didn’t want to be paying that debt with a job that had nothing to do with it like so many others. Still don’t to be honest with you my friends. The reality is what I want doesn’t always get in line with what my responsibilities are, I bet a bunch of you can relate there too. Does this sound like a mid life crisis with out the sports car and mistress? Well yes, but I am not a car guy and I love my wife.
This is starting to sound more like a sob story than I intended, sure I am venting and trying to knock so rust of my keyboard but the rent is paid, the fridge is full and we are a healthy household with no extended family in too much danger as of yet (knock on wood). I hope you can say the same for those things. The days I struggle most I find it is easy to slip into a binge watch or snappy mood. I have tried a few projects, search an online course to better myself that holds my attention (nothing yet), I read a bit when I can keep my focus and my lawn looks pretty good right now. I have reached out to friends I don’t see much in the best of times more often, enjoyed a group video chat or two and tried to step in a a tutor with the kids but lets be honest I never put enough energy in to school and suffered for it so now I just try to learn with them when I can.
I don’t know when this will all subside or the changes it will bring across the globe, aside from travel getting to be a bigger pain in the ass. I do know that right now there are a lot of different stories and opinions. I hope you and your love ones are well. I hope that you are able to over come any dark times and days. I hope you all reach out if those days and thoughts go from dark to black. I hope you find way to come out of all this ahead. I can’t think of a better way to put it really than to quote Red Green “We’re all in this together, I’m pulling for ya.”